Sometimes I don’t know what I want to do with my life.

Sometimes I think I want to move, sometimes I think I want to follow a different dream that would let me stay here with my friends and family (trust me, it’s a worthy dream), sometimes I think that maybe I should go back to school for something else, sometimes I think that I’m crazy and it’s late and I don’t know what I want.

Meanwhile, tonight I researched some zoning laws and tried to learn about property stuff. I still don’t know much so that’s all I can think of to call it. Property stuff.

Whatever.

I’m just going to make these fried bacon mac and cheese balls sometime and not even worry about it right now.

 

Spotify and Google Chrome, or, Two things I don’t quite have the hang of yet.

Well, this is embarrassing. I consider myself to be pretty tech-savvy, especially when it comes to things like music players. And Internet browsers. I mean, come on, how basic does it get? Where did I come from, 1997?

But here’s the deal. Over the last two weeks I have downloaded both Spotify and Google Chrome – fine, I paid for Spotify, whatever – and I have not yet been able to see what makes them so fantastic.

I mean, they’re pretty good, as far as they go in their own categories. I don’t dislike them, and I don’t really intend to stop using them. But let’s go one at a time, lest we get too half-baked here.

Spotify. Social media meets music player? Is that what this is? Because…I don’t really understand the social part of it. Someone’s going to have to explain it to me. It’s linked to my Facebook, I know, because all of my friends who have it are lined up in a sidebar. And I was able to import all of my iTunes music into it. I guess that was good, too.

The one thing I have found so far that I thought was super neat was being able to add songs that I don’t own to a playlist and play them anytime. You know, any time I have Spotify open on my laptop. Which is fine, as I don’t really listen to much music outside of that window of opportunity.

But there must be more to Spotify – what am I missing? What should I be doing since I am paying for this service?

And on to Google Chrome.

Ok, so, I’m going to be totally honest. I’ve been using Safari for a while. Is that, like, the Internet Explorer of Macs? Jokes! Nothing is as bad as Internet Explorer.

But seriously – after hearing people rave and rave about it, I finally decided to check it out.

And I’m not that impressed.

Mine doesn’t really run that much faster, it doesn’t really integrate my Google+ like I thought it might, and it doesn’t really make surfing the Webz that much faster or easier. Again, is there some big chunk of the Internet that I’m missing here? I’ve really tried to cut back on my open tabs, keeping it to only three to eight tabs at a time (as opposed to about 30. yes. really.), but that hasn’t really made a difference.

What can I add or change about Chrome to make it better?

I did add a Vera Wang skin, so that’s pretty and I like that. But otherwise…I’m a little stumped.

So what are your thoughts? Do you like these things? Do you prefer others? Tell me your thoughts.

RIP, Amy Winehouse.

If you haven’t read this article by Russell Brand in the Guardian, you need to. It’s overwhelmingly moving and it says a lot of things that many people are afraid to put into words. I really do like Russell Brand a lot – I think he’s kind of nutty, but when he has to be serious, he’s quite intelligent and says some really meaningful things.

And honestly, I’ve read some really crass and offensive comments about Amy’s death today, and I’ve overheard some really, truly horrible things. I don’t know what possesses people to think it’s ok to say horrible things about anyone, especially someone who’s dead. I’m no saint, I know, but I can’t imagine what makes someone think it’s ok to treat her death as unimportant.

Her death is very important. While no proof has yet come forth that she died of an overdose, it is possible. Amy was an extreme victim of addiction, made very clear in both her personal and professional life. It is time that addiction is treated as the illness that it is, rather than as something a person does to him- or herself. Addiction is a real problem that many, many people suffer from, often untreated. Amy was trying to get help, but obviously had a hard road to travel and many obstacles to overcome. When her death is treated as unimportant and is so clearly victim-blaming, it only promotes the idea that addiction isn’t real and that addicts should be able to just get over their problems. This is not true. Frequently, addicts are only able to recover through rehabilitation of some variety, and it is time that we started recognizing that.

It may be true that she died of a substance-abuse overdose. It may even be probable, I’ll be the first to admit that. But the cause of death is still unexplained. Need we talk about Brittany Murphy’s tragic death, in which a lifetime of hidden medical problems combined with a history of an eating disorder and other lifestyle choices added up to another talented and beautiful woman going before her time?

And I’m really, really tired of hearing that people should be more concerned with what’s happening in Norway than with a “stupid, druggie dead pop star.” Because you know what, tragedy is tragedy and death is death, and it isn’t more sad because of any one factor. It’s not probable that all of those who unfortunately lost their lives in Norway were angels, either. Please don’t think I’m snarking on the dead, because that is not my intent – I am just offended that anyone would assume that one death is unimportant.

Amy did have a lot of problems. That’s true. But she was very beautiful, very talented, and a constant victim of addiction. I don’t know about you, but I knew (and still now, know) a lot of young people who would identify with that. She may not have been an ideal role model, in many minds, but there are very few people like Amy Winehouse. It is not going to encourage anyone who looked up to her if she is publicly shamed like she has been for the past decade.

It’s time to recognize addiction as the illness that it is, and to start taking steps to prevent further deaths.

RIP, Amy.

If you or someone you know suffers from addiction of any kind, please visit 24 Hour Addiction Help or call the Free Addiction Helpline at 866.525.9821 for a free and confidential 24/hr talkline.

To quote Russell Brand, “Either way, there will be a phone call.”

Book Blog: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, JSF

Be warned – if you are in my book club, you shouldn’t read this post. Because these are some of the things I will want to talk about on Friday. Or you can and you’ll just know what I’m going to say. Whatever. Do whatever you want.

I finished the book tonight. It was one that took me a little bit to get into, and I was a little worried. As much as I enjoy a child narrator, Oskar was a little too precocious for me at first. If this book didn’t have the paternal grandparent POV for about half of it, I don’t think I could have gotten through it. I find myself least interested in Oskar, of any of the characters. He’s sweet and very earnest, but he seems more a vehicle for the rest of the story. The rest of the narrative is much more fascinating to me. I want to think that Oskar became so devastated by his father’s death that he retreated into these habits and affectations, and slowly grows from them as he becomes reattached to the living by the end of the novel, but I’m not sure that works here, that it was what JSF was going for.

This brings me to another point – the perspective in this novel. Only a few times do we see the same event from different perspectives – in fact, JSF really plays with the POV here. While it is all technically taking place in the same time, in 2003, the letters really do feel as if they’re from another time. I wonder what made JSF think to develop the story in this way. We never hear from Oskar’s mother, which is an interesting statement on patriarchy. And maybe I’m still working out the kinks here, but I would have liked to have had more connections between the grandparents and Oskar. Obviously there are many, but at times it felt more disjointed than I felt was intended.

And obviously I’d like to give brief mention to the unconventional narrative techniques – the pictures, the editing marks, the formatting of the letters. It all adds to the perspective, of course. I frequently found myself wondering what Oskar’s father would have thought of this whole situation. Clearly, all of the narrators thought the world of Thomas Jr, which is slightly unusual and I wish he would have had some arguable flaws. But that aside, I still would have been interested in Thomas Jr’s input – but, as with many things in this novel, that is locked away and cannot be opened.

It seems that the idea of perspectives is what I most gained from this novel. I’m okay with that.

And I suppose this is more a book about ideas than people, concepts rather than plot. I guess I knew that going in – this is the kind of book I prefer. There is no big spoiler, unless you count the Grandpa Reveal, which wasn’t really that shocking. At the very beginning of the book, you know that Oskar’s dad is by far the most important character of this book and he has already died. Isn’t it interesting, though, that JSF manages to make a dead person such an important character? Without him, this unique story would not be possible, and yet, were he still alive, it would not be interesting in the least – because Oskar could always go to him for the answers. And now he can’t.

However, I wouldn’t go as far to say that this is a coming-of-age book. Oskar is, still, only nine years old. He’s very clearly still a child, living in a child’s world, protected by the rules of the adult world – always at least one eye on him at all times, even if he doesn’t know it. This makes the end interesting, as Oskar realizes that someone always knew where he was going – and yet, I wonder if that’s really true. Children are very unreliable narrators – they do not understand the way things work in the adult world, and therefore jump to these conclusions. This book is full of this – for example, the way Oskar assumes his father left him a puzzle when he died, and how he assumes the key must be the starting point when he finds it. Although he does end up doing a good deed, he doesn’t set out to do so. He sets out to find the lockbox for the key, convinced his father has left him something inside it.

And while this novel is certainly not about Oskar finding the key’s lockbox, it is still part of the story. A metaphor, perhaps – every character has a secret locked away, something that only an unexpected person can unlock. Only William Black’s lockbox is literal, and even he has an emotional lockbox with his ex-wife that Oskar unlocks (or, I assume he does, given the nature of his conversation about her).

Another thing I really appreciate about EL&IC is that it carefully chronicles a family’s mourning period without actually coming out and saying so. I recently read another book that chronicled a mourning period specifically through Shiva, and it frequently felt forced, as if another setting would have been more appropriate, on some levels. EL&IC puts you through the paces of moving past someone’s death – not wanting to do so, but being unable to do anything else – through the perspective of several people dealing with several deaths, both physical and emotional. I wrote “resolution through death” on my notes page tonight as I finished the book, but this is all I can remember from it. Maybe later.

Favorite line:

“Here is the point of everything I have been trying to tell you, Oskar.
It’s always necessary.
I love you.
Grandma.”

Have you read EL&IC? What are your thoughts?

A quick, scattered, post-HP post – this one spoiler-free.

Wow. Wow.

Wow.

I did say this post would be spoiler-free, so it is, but as an overall general feeling, this movie was as perfect as it could have been. It’s not 100% the same as the book, but if at this point you’re still expecting that, you’re living in a dream world. The books and films are each their own entities, and this epic finale wraps up the film narrative as well as could ever be done.

So I highly recommend this movie, which at this point has a 97% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes with 171 reviews. That’s saying something. And Alan Rickman really does deserve every moment of your attention in this film – as do the rest of the actors, but Rickman especially. One thing this film really made clear to me was how centric to the narrative Snape has always been, and how this last installment is so much about redemption, for everyone.

But the most important point I want to make here tonight (this morning?) is that you should never let anyone make you feel uncool for liking what you like. Don’t ever let anyone call you a nerd for being really into something that isn’t cool. I’m not saying that Harry Potter is nerdy or that not a lot of people are into it, because I don’t think that’s the case with anything.

But if you like something, you like it, and don’t let anyone put you down about that. I know that sometimes people give me side eye for liking Doctor Who or for watching as much tv as I do or for any number of little things that make me tick mentally, and I’m at the point in my life where I just don’t really care. Anyone can be a nerd for liking anything, depending on who’s doing the name-calling. I like what I like, it’s not hurting anyone else, and it makes me happy. And that’s what matters to me – and you know, if it matters to me, it will always matter to someone else. Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are and for the unusual things you like, and you will always be happy.

Also, if you have to go to the bathroom in this movie, go right before the boathouse scene with Snape. You know the one I’m talking about. You WILL know it’s coming, and if you’re quick, you’ll have enough time to get out and back before you miss anything good. Just trust me on that one.

More pictures and a spoilerrific post tomorrow, when I’m not absolutely exhausted. Goodnight!

I painted my nails for Harry Potter, plus some other wonderful things.

 

In light of the fact that the final installment of Harry Potter is tomorrow, I’ve celebrated by painting my nails. I split the Hallows between my thumbs, but as it turns out, it’s impossible to take a picture of both thumbs with your iPhone. Surprise!

The rest of my nails are Essie Aruba Blue with silver shatter. Love it. House colors, naturally.

I just have a lot of really interesting things to share today, so here they are:

Second, I have a bit of post-trading to do with Mary of babble+bloom (formely of Undergrad Fab). I know I talk about her all the time, but she is just great and apparently we like all of the same things on the Internet – therefore, we are Internet twins! You should probably go visit her blog right now, because she just posted about my Magpie Nest Necklace that she won on my Etsy giveaway earlier – it looks so cute on her!
A while back, I jumped on her Pay it Forward post, and I got my homemade gift in the mail yesterday! At first, I was confused, but then I read this adorable postcard and I’ve been wearing these bracelets everywhere ever since. In the whole two days I’ve had them.
Aren’t S hooks just grand? They can do anything. It’s kind of amazing, actually.
Now, before you go off thinking this is my only celebration for Harry Potter, let me tell you how I’m celebrating. I have midnight showing balcony seats at the Moore Warren, which is going to be brilliant, but that’s not even the half of it. I’m meeting some friends right after work to watch all of Deathly Hallows Pt 1 beforehand, and then we’re putting on our wizards’ robes and house ties and heading off to the theater together.
You may be thinking to yourself – isn’t she 23? Is she too old for wearing a costume to a movie? Yes, probably. But you know what? This is literally the last time I will ever have the opportunity to do this. And why not? I’m going to be with some of my best friends and probably no one else I know will see me, and it’s going to be brilliant.
What are you doing to celebrate Harry Potter?

The Ben Folds Concert Was Everything I Could Have Dreamed [+setlist]

Is it cheesy if I say that tonight was one of the best nights of my life? Is it?

Because it totally was.

After a long day of unexpected events, I drove with five of my good friends to see Ben Folds at Cain’s Ballroom in Tulsa. Now, if you recall, this is the concert that was canceled for snow in January. Which was bad but also a little good because I was so deathly ill (with, like, quasi-flu or something gross…TMI?) at the time that I don’t think I could have gone.

First, his opener, Kenton Chen, was amazing. He only played four songs and that made me a little sad, but I thought it really said something about his talent that we all wanted the opener to play more songs. His EP just dropped on iTunes last week, so you should definitely go check him out. I usually hate Ben’s openers, but this guy is truly, truly talented.

And then Ben Folds came on and played for two hours. And honestly, it was by far the best show he’s ever done that I’ve seen – and this is my fourth time to see him.

  1. Levi Johnston’s Blues (Lonely Avenue)
  2. Doc Pomus (Lonely Avenue)
  3. Gone (Songs for Silverman Rockin’ the Suburbs)
  4. Belinda (Lonely Avenue)
  5. Sleazy (Ke$ha cover)
  6. Sentimental Guy (Songs for Silverman)
  7. You to Thank (Songs for Silverman)
  8. Effington (Way to Normal)
  9. Still Fighting It (Rockin’ the Suburbs)
  10. The B*tch went Nuts (Way to Normal)
  11. B*stard (Songs for Silverman)
  12. Rock this B*tch (original every show)
  13. Jesusland (Songs for Silverman)
  14. Brick (Whatever and Ever Amen)
  15. The Last Polka (Ben Folds Five)
  16. Gracie (Songs for Silverman)
  17. The Luckiest (Rockin’ the Suburbs)
  18. Annie Waits (Rockin’ the Suburbs)
  19. You Don’t Know Me (Way to Normal)
  20. Landed (Songs for Silverman)
  21. Zak and Sara (Rockin’ the Suburbs)
  22. Hiroshima (Way to Normal)
  23. Not the Same (Rockin’ the Suburbs)
  24. Kate (Whatever and Ever Amen)
  25. Army (The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner)
Encore: Underground (Ben Folds Five), Philosophy (Ben Folds Five)
So as you can see, he played a WIDE range of music, but curiously, a LOT of songs from Songs for Silverman and Rockin’ the Suburbs. It was really interesting, considering most of the music he played on the original Lonely Avenue tour was stuff from, well, Lonely Avenue. Reinhold Messner is my favorite album, so that was exciting, and Songs for Silverman and Rockin’ the Suburbs are not far behind. And really, Whatever and Ever Amen is excellent, too. I like Way to Normal, I like a lot of the songs, but as a whole it’s kind of eh. And also, some of the really old stuff – Ben Folds Five stuff, wow! He was all over the place tonight. And I love the new stuff, but it was just so thrilling to hear my favorites. Songs 11-17 were just piano rock – no auxiliary.
But speaking of auxiliary, he had a huge amount of it tonight. There was even a guy to play French horn on the first few songs, and he was fantastic. And there was a cutie bass player – he looked like Andrew Garfield. So. Do with that what you will.
Landed is my favorite song of all time. Like, literally, of all time. I could listen to it over and over and never be tired of it (have done that, actually). It has gotten me through SO much in my life, and it has so much meaning. I’ve never heard him play it live before, and I think my heart actually broke a little bit. And, of course, my favorite live songs are Not the Same and Army – he’s never done both. I felt gluttonous when he closed with Army – his audience participation songs are the best.
There was a point in the concert, fairly early on, in which I just decided to let loose and enjoy myself. I was feeling good about things, so I just stopped caring that other people could see me and sang along (loudly), danced, clapped, generally rocked out, and had the best time. I’ve never had that much fun at a concert. Every time I see him it’s just such a personal experience – I feel revitalized and happy and like everything is going to be great, no matter what’s going on outside of the concert. And it’s really something special to me that it feels that way. I don’t feel like that about a lot of things.
So, really, tonight was actually one of the best nights of my life – and if you’ve never seen him live, you are seriously, seriously missing out on something really and truly great.

Thoughts on Change

I’ve been thinking about the future of this blog lately, and reading a post this morning by one of my “blog friends” made me realize that it might be time to make some changes around here.

When I started this blog, it was a means of helping myself cope with and recover from depression. It was a ritual, something that I needed to complete daily in order to feel any sort of achievement and productivity for the day. However, as the last six months have progressed, I’ve grown from having to rely on the little things to get through the day to being able to just live my life and enjoy everything. I don’t have to make myself go through the day anymore. I feel like I can just live, and not have to worry about things as much.

And I’m tired of feeling guilty every time I don’t post. Some days there just really isn’t anything to say. I woke up, I worked, I came home, I exercised, I watched some TV and went to bed. Hello – boring! Sometimes I’m just tired and I don’t have the energy to throw together a post – I think any blogger can identify with that feeling. I don’t know how daily fashion bloggers do it – not only do you have to write a post, you have to take and edit outfit photos, and that takes a lot of extra time.

So here’s the new gameplan. I know, I know, I’m switching it up halfway through the year. But, like anything, a little fresh change can bring new life into this project.

I’m not going to post every day. I hope that isn’t a surprise to anyone. If it is, you must be new here. It’s just too much extra effort that I don’t have time for right now.

But I’m still going to try to post several times a week, and about more varied topics. There have been more than a few times lately I’ve wanted to blog about something, but wasn’t sure if it really fit within the parameters I’d set for myself in January. So I took some time off to think, and that time turned into two weeks, and then I realized that if I didn’t start back soon, I was going to get stuck in a rut of not blogging and never go back. So I posted about non-prescription glasses, and it was fulfilling.

So I’m still going to be here, just not every day. And I’m going to post about things that are important to me – because if I’m not blogging about things that are important, then what am I blogging about? Nothing. No one reads blogs about nothing because they’re boring. So this is me, changing everything.

Maybe not everything. But at least a few things.