Tag Archives: happiness

day 23.

Posted in January by

I’m working on back-posts for the past few days. I have a few drafts started but nothing concrete. I know how sad that is. But I’m determined not to give up, and not to spend too much time on this.

Today was the day I started my New York Stuff box. I found a Target giftcard I got for Christmas that I completely forgot about, and I immediately sat down and started thinking about all of the things I could buy. At least one whole season of TV! New dishes! Most of a dremel!

And then my eyes came to rest on my New York sign sitting on top of my dresser, and I realized that a giftcard could buy me a new set of bedding. New dishes. Storage supplies, like shelving or cube storage. Part of a new desk. Part of a new bed.

Anything you can buy at Target, really. And I realized that I really want to save my money. If I just hang on to this card, don’t spend it for the next six to eight months, I could use it to get things I really need.

And instead of carrying it around in my wallet like I do with most of my things, like most people do, I decided to start a box of things like this. That way, they’ll all be there together, waiting for me when it comes time for me to move.

Yeah, yeah, it’s a Francesca’s shoebox. Maybe I’ll upgrade boxes once I get a more concrete idea of what I want to go in it, but right now, this is good enough.

I know that one little giftcard looks kind of sad in there by itself, but I’m going to try to add it to as much as I can. Anything that I get that I think would be useful to save will go in this box.

And that made me really happy today. I’m trying to take steps every day to make my dream a reality, and when I can look at something and call it a tangible step, something I can really see and sink my teeth into, it makes me that much more resolved to get things done.

The one thing that’s really holding me back is not being very good at managing my money. I’m trying to put away money in a savings account, but, somehow, I’m just not very good at keeping it there. Any tips?

day 18. future planning.

Posted in January by

When I first started writing this post, I started it with a complaint. Complaining about what I chose to wear today. And I looked at that sentence for a few seconds, realized exactly how whiny it sounded, and promptly backspaced over it.

Sometimes I get bogged down in being unhappy about where I am in life. It’s easier to complain than to change what I don’t like, and that’s one thing that I’m really working on right now. It became a lot easier for me to just be unhappy in general than to make changes to the few areas I was unhappy with, and that’s one of the traps that leads to depression and being miserable.

It’s been a really good day so far. I just met with my adviser and we worked out a plan for the next few months of my life. It was really good to have someone to just bounce ideas off of and with whom I can discuss what I really want to do. I think the biggest step is going to be the move, and once I get that on lock, I’ll be good to go. So I’m writing it everywhere, leaving myself reminders all over the place. Save your money, save your time, always keep thinking about what you really want to do.

But one thing that I really did need to splurge on this month was this:

I’ve also resolved to read more news. Most of the time I spend on the Internet I use educating myself. Sometimes the things I’m learning about are less…relevant…than others, but that doesn’t mean I’m not learning. I’ve fallen really out of touch with current events, though, so my goal for the rest of January is to start keeping better-informed about the world.

Now, to listen to Kanye and get some future planning done.

days 15 and 16. old friends, gold friends.

Posted in January by

Guys, I am really, really behind here. How embarrassing is that? I suppose this is my catch-up time, though.

I’m going to read Portia de Rossi’s book, Unbearable Lightness, tomorrow, as well as do some other things on my day off.

I’m really, really tired right now, though, so this is going to be the shortest post you’ve ever seen. If I feel like it, I may revisit it in tomorrow’s post, but right now I just really want to get it out there and posted so I’m not two days behind.

 

This is me and one of my best childhood friends Lauren at All About Cha on Saturday night. We grew up together in Colorado, and she happened to be in town for a thing at OC for all of the Christian colleges, so she gave me a ring and we went to coffee with my parents after a big concert on campus that night. She and her older sister were like the sisters I never had growing up, and while I don’t get to talk to them as often as I wish I did, it’s always great to see them.

Mostly, Lauren and I did a lot of ridiculous things together while Sarah (a few years older) did her own thing or laughed at us. One of our favorite pastimes was playing in the basements of our parents’ houses. At my parents’ house, they had an old exercise bike (the kind with the fan wheel that whirred while you pedaled?), and when we were probably five years old, we were too small to ride it alone. So we did what anyone would do, obvs: we each stood on a pedal (they were huuuuge and pretty wide, too), and pushed up and down with the handlebars to make it go around. It was kind of like a perpetual tiny rollercoaster of awesomeness.

Sunday night was the Golden Globes! I’ve become quite an awards show fanatic over the past few years, since I’ve gotten way into television and movies.

So, in other news, it was the night that The Social Network won everything, Christian Bale made some really weird faces, and Natalie Portman still has her nerd laugh.

First of all, pit stop for my current film darling crush, Andrew Garfield. Being picked up/tickled by Jesse Eisenberg. All things that I absolutely love. Well, that’s a lie, I hate being tickled. But this is great.

I made it all up. This is an Andrew Garfield appreciation blog. I just love that boy. Now, on to Crazy Bale.

I’m just going to leave that last one here.

And if you didn’t catch that laugh, here it is again. I love this girl to death and I know I have a weird laugh, but man. I think this was the night the world was very surprised.

Of course, I’m just waiting for the Oscar noms on the 25th and the actual Academy Awards on Feb 27th. Duh, it’s already on my calendar.

Goal for this week: Work on not being a mumbler. I’m trying to fix this.

Day 12: I love to learn!

Posted in January by

It’s definitely been an interesting few days for me. I’ve had to get myself back into the swing of school, back into getting ready for class, that kind of thing.

But honestly, it hasn’t been the teeth-pulling, want-to-kill-myself experience that I was secretly afraid it might be. That’s how it felt last semester, when I knew I was in no way prepared to handle school. And I know that sounds lame. Like, girl, get yourself together and go to class. It’s not that hard.

But at the same time, it was. It was that hard to make myself do anything beyond go to work, where I succeed and things aren’t hard and I don’t have to think philosophically about everything. I pretty much zoned out other than that, and it wasn’t fun. Do I regret it? I mean, I guess. I don’t really know how to pinpoint what I regret, exactly. I regret not paying more attention to what was going on with me and getting help for it and learning how to deal with my problems. But then I did figure it out, and each day has been a step forward.

So it was a really, really good feeling to start preparing for class this semester and realize that I’m actually excited. I still hate school, that’s nothing new, but I’m feeling like I haven’t in a really long time. Maybe a year, maybe a little longer. I always used to have this zeal for school and for learning and just generally for life, and somewhere along the way, I lost that. But lately, I’ve been feeling that again. I get goosebumps of excitement when I think about learning.

I never said I wasn’t a nerd. Because I am. Big time nerd. Big time. Judge me.

I think this is a sign that I’m feeling better. That things are actually changing. I’m back to my old nerdy self. I’m a little bit better-dressed, now that I work in a boutique, but that’s all Nerd in Sheep’s Clothing. Don’t be fooled.

My dad told me over Christmas that he really likes the gifs I post on my Tumblr, so I’m going to share some of them with you here.

Also, I realized I never told you that the other day, I bought my ticket to see Ben Folds at Cain’s Ballroom in Tulsa on February 1st. Ben is pretty much only my favorite musician of all time and forever, so the fact that he’s coming to Tulsa on his (so far) tiny Lonely Avenue tour is thrilling. My ticket should be arriving any day now, so I’ll be sure to let you know when that is.

day ten is for tiny foxes on my shirt.

Posted in January by

 

I can’t seem to get away from wearing red, can I? I really need to stop. Maybe I should just pack it away in my closet until my hair’s less intense. I didn’t think that I wore so much red before I redyed my hair. Maybe I did and I just never noticed because it never clashed so much. Oh, the things you think.

Those are some pretty sweet tights, though, right? I found them on sale at TJ Maxx a month or so ago, and I’ve been too much of a chicken to wear them until today, when all of my black tights had runs in them and I had no other option. I’m fine with it. Pattern on pattern is a little scary to me, and I’m not sure I’ll repeat it, but I didn’t ever feel bad about how I looked today. I’m supposed to be fashion forward for my job, right? I’ll just…go with that.

My nails are a pretty fantastic cognac color right now. They got a little roughed up at work today and chipped some, otherwise I’d take a picture for you.

The really exciting part of today was a double header:

  1. Everyone else had the first day of class today. I didn’t. I only have class on Tuesday/Thursday, which is just the way I like it.
  2. I had dinner with one of my dear friends, Mica.

I haven’t seen Mica in a few weeks – at least not before break, for sure. I don’t even really know how we became friends. She’s an English major with me, and we had classes together, and then one day we were just…really good friends. I don’t even think we had a time when we were just acquaintances. We didn’t really talk, and then we were besties. We’re a lot alike in a lot of ways, and I am so thankful to have her in my life.

We went to my favorite local restaurant of all time, Blue Moon, because if you haven’t had their crab rangoon, you haven’t lived. Or had crab rangoon.

It was really great to catch up with her and just talk about life and boys and crazy things and how much older we feel this year.

And now, because I’m in a Chinese food coma, I’m going to put on sweatpants and watch Runaway Bride and go to bed early before my first day of class tomorrow. Hooray for being old and boring? It’s fine, it’s fine.

Top: Francesca’s Collections
Dress: BBDakota
Tights: Betsey Johnson
Shoes: Target
Belt: Gap

day seven is for my first late post.

Posted in January by

If you know me in real life, you know that I’m late to a lot of things. I try really hard not to be, but sometimes things just fall behind or some bizarre thing happens that makes me late. I wish that were just an excuse, but half the time, I’m like, “No, but really, such and such happened and it made me late.” Even now that sounds like the worst excuse in the world. I know. I’m working on it.

But, luckily for you, it just means you get two posts in one day.

Yesterday was a really good day. I was trying to pinpoint one thing that made it so fantastic, and it’s really hard, so I’m just going to give you a rundown of the day in bullet points.

  • Validated for school, no holds. I always have some kind of hold. Usually chapel, because I never go. But thankfully, not this semester. Last semester of school is go!
  • Went to work. I was a few minutes late, so I already broke my only real life tangible resolution. But. Well. I’m trying. That’s all I’ve got there.
  • We listen to a satellite station all day at work – in the past, we’ve only had three to choose from, so we use “Perimeter,” the indie band station, because the other two aren’t good. Today, apparently, though, my manager was flipping through the stations and we have some new ones. We listened to “Pop Party Mix” and “Shine Station” all day, so it was a mix of Top 40 songs from the past 50 years. Yes. I heard upbeat funk next to Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. It was excellent, and made the day a lot more fun.
  • I got a super cute dress at work. I probably didn’t need it, but it was just so cute. It’s a loose houndstooth print that has a few red little houndsteeth (?) on it. I got a cute red belt to go with it, and it’s not too much red with my hair.
  • After work I went to Walmart to get a few things, like Windex and some 409, because I needed some pretty badly. I also happened to find a mini electric griddle. And when I say mini, it’s still probably a good two feet wide. I’d hate to see the regular sized one – or, actually, I’d love it. But it was hanging out on the clearance aisle, and I’ve wanted one for a while, and I didn’t have one, so clearly I needed to get it. Right? Right?? Well, anyway, I did, so I’m planning on making some delicious pancakes on it soon.
  • I took myself out on a date for some sushi. I haven’t had a lot of relaxing time lately, so I just needed to go out by myself and have some time to just not have to worry about anything. I went to my favorite sushi place, Cafe de Taipei in Edmond, and hung out for a little while. I ate a spicy smoked salmon roll and a coffee/milk tea bubble tea with tapioca and coffee jellies. Yes, please. It was so good.

So that was pretty much my day, and it was great. I spent the majority of it at work, but I was fine with it. I really love my job, even if it is just retail, and I like most of the time I spend there.

Sometimes, I really like being alone. Not as much as I used to, because that was too much aloneness, but there’s a big difference between being lonely and being alone well. I like being alone every now and then because it allows me to renew my thoughts and to not have to worry about other people and it can be very refreshing. I also frequently use my alone time for writing, which is something I really don’t do enough of, at all.

I guess what I’m saying is I had a me day, a day when I just relaxed and unwound from life. The only thing I meant to and forgot to do was paint my nails. Fortunately, that isn’t exactly a crisis situation.

Lastly, I just published this post and this video showed up, which was both overwhelming at 6:45 am and also fantastic.

A new year, a new revamp, and I think I’ll call this a real post.

Posted in January by

Well, it’s officially 2011, and I’m back on this blog. I’ve revamped it twice before, I think, and I have about 20 posts in backlog, but I’m going to try to do it again. No, I am going to do it again – do or do not, there is no try. So I’m going to start this blog back up and make it my happiness blog. Happiness Blog 2011. I’m going to post at least one thing every day that makes me happy.

It’s kind of surreal to think that when it gets cold again, I’ll still be posting things that make me happy.

And the things that make me happy this year are going to be different than they ever have in the past. I graduate college in April, but I’m only taking one real in-classroom class – so finding things that make me happy are going to come from the outside world, not from school things.

If we’re being totally honest here, finding things that make me happy might be a little more difficult in the next few months or so. I’m in the middle of recovering from a pretty intense depression, brought on by an unleashing of suppressed unhappiness for the past eight or so years. I know that sounds really broad, but…that’s what it is. So, yes, finding things that make me happy every day that are outside my immediate world is hard for me right now. I just thought we should be square on how everything is right now.

Today, the thing that’s making me really happy is a good rewatch of Fantasia 2000. I didn’t have to work today, so I slept in from my late night last night, woke up extremely refreshed for 2011, and have just been kind of chilling and taking care of general business since. And now I’m watching Fantasia 2000, since I got the two-disc box set of the two movies for Christmas.

I’d forgotten how completely awe-inspiring this movie is. I was in high-quality bands and orchestras for five years and have played many of the generally-accepted classical masterpieces in various groups, and the Fantasia movies remind me of what music is really about. It’s when you’re listening to certain passages that just get your heart racing, and you feel the physical expression of joy rising in your chest. You know what I’m talking about. A joy so indescribable, brought on only by things that are so inspiring that there really isn’t another feeling like it.

And I’m going to be watching my Oklahoma boys play in the Fiesta Bowl tonight. That’s going to be great.

And there really needs to be a Fantastia: The Planets. Amirite, Internet?

What are your resolutions? Big? Small? How do you plan to fulfill them?